Stupid. Love. Stupid.

This is out of nowhere, I know it. I did not saw it coming, neither do you. I realized that I love you. I won’t explain that to you ‘cause there’s no pointing on doing that. Maybe I’m ruining our friendship and I’ll understand if you kick me of your life. I know that you don’t love me. Yeah, I have some hope that I’m wrong, even if I know that I’m not. I don’t even know why I’m saying this. I mean, I know you for a while now. I know that I love you for a while now. Why am I doing this? Maybe ‘cause I like to fuck things up. Yeah, probably. You do whatever you want to do now… Block me, talk to me, don’t know, your choice.

Queen of nothing.

Want to feel powerful? Jump in a mountain of toxic... things. But don’t come in my house to show me your power. You don’t have one. Never had and never will. You think you’re the queen of awesome? I say that you’re far too old to live illusions. I don’t want you here anymore. You’re making my life a living hell. HELL. HELL. HELL. I want to scream at you “You see what you’re doing? Who the hell you think you are?! You’ve never been in my life; you don’t have any authority on me. So just go away! Go fuck somebody else’s life. I’m already fucked; don’t need you to make it worse.

It hurts.

Where am I? I’m lost, broken. I wanna believe in love again, hell, how I wanna do it. But I can’t. My heart screams “Please, give me a break!” and what I can do? It still hurts. Not the fact that he lied, or that he is a jerk. But the fact that nobody loves me. I know it. I’m not a loveable person and it hurts, it kills me softly. I need to feel alive again, I’m like a zombie. All day long. Just doing my rotine, just… living. Not being alive. And when it comes to my mind, I wanna die. There’s a hole in my soul and no one is there to close it, to make me complete. So what can I do? Death seems really nice right now.